Staying True To Yourself

I wanted to be popular even if it meant sacrificing my happiness.

Growing up as a child I’ve never been particularly social. I’m not shy I’ve just always been the type of person to linger in the background opposed to playing lead star in the school play, to cringe at the thought of school presentations, and to avoid gaining any attention. It’s difficult to construe even I don’t fully understand why I’m like this. I just  know that I am, and that I’ve always been this way. I recall at one time I had been asked a question by a fellow student, I believe it had been the sixth grade or perhaps even fifth. Any who, as I replied a cluster of kids formed, awestruck, apparently a rumor had arisen that I had been deaf and incapable of speech. Another analogous occasion occurred in the third grade, the teacher had asked a fellow student to translate for me because allegedly I didn’t speak English, when in fact I spoke and wrote the language impeccably. Even though I’m not particularly social I do have my fair share of chums. Ones who I know will be there to catch me if I fall even if they do cachinnate before offering a hand. However that being said I’ve always strived for something more it’s something that everyone at some point has dealt with; popularity. Even today as I write this article I still struggle with this issue. No matter how much I try to turn a blind eye, it’s always there lurking in the shadows eating away at every ounce of self-admiration that I have, clawing it’s way into my soul. Over the years I’ve learned to accept what I have and be grateful for my fellow friends, but at one point I remember I became obsessed with the idea of being popular. I recall buying the latest clothes, magazines, and listening to the latest music in hopes of being recognized. I even went as far as doing petty favors for them such as doing a book report. I was desperate. I had to be a part of their clique, I thought. It turns out though and it took me awhile to realize this, but they weren’t the type of people I wanted to hangout with. I loathed my clothes, I loathed the music I listened to, and I couldn’t stand reading frivolous articles on the importance of thigh gaps. I felt dejected by my own self. It just wasn’t me.

When high school came along I sought it as an opportunity to completely reinvent myself. All throughout freshman year I would go by several alias names such as; Elizabeth, Gracie, Isabella, etc. I couldn’t decide which one I liked best. Eventually I settled on Giselle Faye. I felt like my name held me back. A new name would mean a new personality. Whenever I found myself insecure I would repeat the following mantra, “I am Giselle Faye. I’m confident, I’m perfect and everyone would die to be me.” I was another person. I felt titillated by the idea of fostering a new identity, empowering. I was shedding the parts of myself that I disliked, and inventing a new, and a more refined me. I was capable of anything, everything. It was my opportunity at a fresh start. Still, I didn’t feel right. Over time I learned to accept myself for who I am. I’m just not meant for center stage. It’s not me and I’m completely okay with that. Looking back on this article and my former self I realize how puerile I used to be because in a matter of years no one will even bother caring how socially-awkward you used to be. It’s just a point in time. In this article I truly want to express the importance of being yourself, because what seems significant now may seem petty and nugatory in the future. I recall a time when I felt woebegone and lugubrious, a time when everything I seemed to do felt like a burden. Think to yourself, is it really worth it? Sacrificing your happiness for recognition.

Popularity isn’t about having the latest clothes, nor listening to the latest music. It isn’t about knowing the most people, or acting contemplable towards certain people. It’s about being yourself, and having trustworthy friends who you can depend on and count on to always be there for you. I truly, and genuinely hope that you take these words to heart, because as corny as it might sound this is based on true experiences. Therefore, stay true to yourself and never lose faith.